Wisdom of the Wrinkled

If the stars should appear but one night every thousand years, 

how man would marvel and stare.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I've always been fascinated by the sometimes "strange" life advice that older people give. It hasn't been until this semester - studying psychology as a second career - that I've learned why that is. A profound change occurs in how we perceive the world as we grow older (60 years and up), and I think most of us intuitively know this in some way or another, whether or not we've studied psychology. So what changes exactly? Simply put, we turn our attention to things that REALLY matter in life. Why do we do this? Because at some point a certain fact of life hits us full force -- our time is limited.

But can we turn our attention to things that truly matter in life a little bit sooner? In our 40s? 30s? How about our 20s? Should we even bother trying? I think so. Most of us make decisions in our youth that we end up regretting later in life... primarily because we realize that they don't truly matter in the "grand scheme" of things. We choose a career we're not passionate about because it "sounds" or "looks" good. We choose a romantic partner for superficial reasons. We decide to do things in the way others would want us to do them.

I think that listening to the wisdom of the old folks, those people who have made the same mistakes that we have, that have been exposed to the "grand scheme" of life, and that have truly felt that time is limited, may be a very wise thing to do. I found two very interesting sources that address this. Both sources involve interviews with elders.

So, smile, chill, enjoy, and check out this list of things that matter.

Lessons
Over 1,200 elders answered the question: "Over the course of your life, what are the most important lessons you would like to pass on to younger people." This study was carried out by a research team at Cornell University. These are some of those responses:

1. Think small: When it comes to making the most of your life, think small. Attune yourself to simple daily pleasures and learn to savor them now.

2. Choose a career for the intrinsic rewards, not the financial ones. Although many grew up in poverty, the elders believe that the biggest career mistake people make is selecting a profession based only on potential earnings. A sense of purpose and passion for one's work beats a bigger paycheck.

3. Happiness is a choice, not a condition: Happiness isn't a condition that occurs when circumstances are perfect or nearly so. Sooner or later you need to make a deliberate choice to be happy in spite of challenges and difficulties. One elder echoed almost all the others when she said: "My single best piece of advice is to take responsibility for your own happiness throughout your life."

4. Travel more: Travel while you can, sacrificing other things if necessary to do so. Most people look back on their travel adventures (big and small) as highlights of their lives and regret not having traveled more. As one elder told me, "If you have to make a decision whether you want to remodel your kitchen or take a trip -- well, I say, choose the trip!"

5. Say "Yes" to opportunities: When offered a new opportunity or challenge, you are much less likely to regret saying yes and more likely to regret turning it down. They suggest you take a risk and a leap of faith when opportunity knocks.

Source: http://legacyproject.human.cornell.edu/

Regrets
A nurse that worked in palliative care (caring for those people who were about to die) asked many of them about their greatest regrets. We can extract valuable lessons from these as well.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings: "Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard: "This came from every male patient that I nursed. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends: "Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

4. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.  From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it."

Source: http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html