Bending First

Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken. -Albert Camus

Something's different. I have been welcomed quite pleasantly by the people here at the university -- students and faculty alike. Some have even opened up to helping me on the PhD career path in significant and perhaps life-altering ways that I could not have envisioned before. But me? Why are they helping me? After all, I'm simply a stranger with an obscure background and a short list of contacts. Surprising? Only at first. But I have been experiencing a generalized "empathic" aura emanating from those around me. People want to help me. The funny thing is that it emanates more strongly from strangers. Besides, it's quite unextraordinary for family members or the closest of friends to lend a hand... but for complete strangers to do so, especially when coming from very different backgrounds? What's going on?

I think Bill Clinton knows. In his speech at Harvard University in 2007, he stated,

"Human beings... are 99.9% identical, genetically." 

"It’s too bad that we spend much more time thinking about the .1 percent that divides us than the 99.9 percent that we have in common, because that imbalance keeps us from making positive changes in the world."

The main idea of this post is that there are no strangers. We are all the same. We are all in this together. We all experience the journey of life in the same ways. Sure the life of a starving child in Bihar -- one of the poorest states in India -- may seem alien to us, otherwordly perhaps, and detrimental even, to our understanding, acceptance, and embracement of Clinton's "99.9% identical" idea. But think about it. Say that the geographic lottery chose Bihar as your birthplace, instead of the U.S., Europe, Australia, or wherever your birthplace actually is. How do you think you would deal with the challenges and obstacles of your life? How would you deal with the severe food shortage, contaminated water, and other challenging life conditions? Where would you be? Where would I be? Probably in a very similar, or even identical, position as that child --- starving and illiterate on the streets of Bihar. We all experience life in similar ways and therefore we respond to life in similar ways. Our humanity precedes and supersedes our experiences, circumstances, and individualized identities.

How does this relate to empathy and my warm welcome? Well, we are social beings for starters. The scientific research on happiness shows that social relations reign over almost all other sources of well-being -- yes, even over McDonald's french fries :) We are moved to tears over acts of outstanding empathy and even feel encouraged to imitate the goodness of others to at least lesser degrees. Give empathy, humility, and direct consideration to others selflessly, even strangers, and they are compelled to reciprocate. I am pushing myself to give empathy, show humility, and continuously put others' needs before mine. It's not easy, but it gets easier. Whether they be scientists from developed nations or poor children from Bihar, we all respond to our shared humanity above all else. I think that this is the reason why I'm here.

Our minds are wired to give back automatically -- but they're not wired to give first. So give. Give without hesitation. Give without thought to the self. Be selfless. Just give.Whoever it is, wherever we are, we all open up. But you have to open first. You are the first to bend. So bend.