A Most Valuable Skill

Le Petit Prince
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

To us westerners, true meditation is an alien concept.

What meditation tells us about our brains is akin to what Copernicus told the world 500 years ago - the earth moves around the sun (instead of the sun moving around the earth). Very few believed him and others just thought he was on a bad acid trip. Why was it so hard to believe? Because no one could feel the earth moving, duh. But now we know the truth. This big ball of rock we're sitting on is hurtling through space at over 67,000 mph and rotating at 1,000 mph. And so are we. You may not know what 1,000 mph feels like, but I bet you could imagine it. Take a second, look away from your computer screen, and.imagine everything around you going 1,000 mph in one direction. You probably imagined all your shit getting slammed into a wall of your room, right? It's hard to accept that we're moving that fast, but we've been conditioned to the idea since infancy, so we accept it. I won't even bother with the 67k. The point is, it's extremely difficult to separate what we feel from actual fact if we have not been conditioned to it.

In order to understand meditation, we have to accept something we have not been conditioned to feel. Give some thought to the following cause and effect scenarios:

• If our 40" plasma TV gets knocked over and breaks, we get angry. 
• If our significant other calls and says, "I want to do something special for you tonight," we get excited. 
• If we're arriving late to watch our favorite show or to the Twilight premiere, we get anxious (I did). 
• If our college of choice admits us into their program, we get overjoyed. 
• If our best friend lies to us, we become mistrustful.

Anger, excitement, anxiety, joy, mistrust, and every other thought and emotion wield a profound influence on our moods, decisions, and behaviors. For example, say you're already pissed off because your dog took a shit on your white carpet. You cleaned and scrubbed it to death, but a little brownish stain remains. You are now predisposed to react more harshly to otherwise trivial issues throughout the day, like if your friend forgets you don't like butter on your popcorn and adds it by accident. All the responses listed above are quite normal, expected, and most importantly, automatic. But what's really happening here? We are being controlled by external factors. Emotions, involuntary thoughts, and bodily sensations are all external factors that induce near automatic responses in us. This weird phenomenon restricts us to remaining positive only as long as the outside world is smiling upon us. Check this:

"I'm having a really bad day."

     "Oh no, really? Why, what happened?"

"I ordered the wrong automatic espresso cups for our coffee machine."

     "Oh no! That sucks! Did the boss get pissed at you?"

"Yeah, he's so angry, and on top of that, the dry cleaners ruined my black shirt. Damnit!"

     "Well, how about I treat you to Starbucks after work? That'll cheer you up!"

"Wow, that sounds great, thanks, you're such a great friend!"

We are on an invisible leash that's tugged by our emotions and our thoughts. Wherever they tug, we go. They tug towards positive, we get happy. They tug towards negative, we get sad or angry. We are, essentially, fully reactive, and therefore, controlled by external stimuli provoking the same automatic reactions out of us over and over again. Our "true selves" are merely riders in the rollercoaster of reactivity while someone or something else pulls the levers. Here is where Copernicus fits in. We can't "feel" that we're being controlled, but meditators know that we are and psychologists have proven that we are. We do not have control. You do not have control. For real. I ain't lying.

Did you have a strong reaction to this last paragraph? Then smile for the rollercoaster photo.

Riding the Rollercoaster of Reactivity

You may see where this is going. Meditation separates the self from external and involuntary stimuli. It allows us to see emotions and thoughts at a distance, as they attempt to exert their mighty influence on our vulnerable selves. Once we see them for what they truly are - external stimuli that our self latches onto - we can successfully decide whether or not to react to them and to what degree. I've oversimplified the process but please consider that these concepts are quite complex and extremely difficult to attain in practice. I walked out of my first day of meditation. The mental exercises were ridiculously difficult, stupid, and useless. I fell asleep numerous times over and over in the beginning, drooled a little even, but it all clicked in the end.

There are more benefits derived from being able to consciously separate the self from involuntary stimuli than my fingers care to type. From increased compassion, to increased happiness, greater stability, better relationships, more authentic decision-making, longer life, stronger immune system, the list goes on and on. It probably cures erectile dysfunction and enlarges breasts too, but those are still under scrupulous peer review I've heard...

If simple "relaxation" could do all of this, I would spend my life on a hammock by the beach with barrels of pina colada and a constant supply stream of (medical) marijuana from Jamaica. I would probably be writing this post from that very hammock in Jamaica.

As a final note: Meditation has nothing to do (except a shared history) with religion - buddhism, hinduism, or otherwise. These religions have adopted it as part of their routines and we now associate the two accordingly. Meditation is simply a skill or a tool. I've been a secularist for years and had absolutely no problems detaching religion and the supernatural from meditation. I would even argue that detaching the two is ideal.

There's much more to this skill than what I've discussed, and there are numerous studies of its effects on the brain and well-being. For example, some studies found that meditation actually adds mass to the brain... WHAT! Yea, crazy right? Anyway, the research is still very recent, with more publications and experiments yet to come I'm sure. If you're interested, I highly suggest you check out some of these links, you hippies.

Meditator Brain Analysis

     How Meditation Reshapes the Brain (Big Think)
     Buddha on the Brain (Wired Magazine) 
     Just Say Om (Time Magazine)
     Short-term Meditation Induces White Matter Changes in the Brain (scientific)
     Mindfulness Meditation Reveals Distinct Neural Modes of Self Reference (scientific)

Resolving Reactivity

Buddha may have been the greatest psychologist in the last 3,000 years.

The reason I started this blog is because I made a vow to myself, to follow my passions regardless of the obstacles or negative perceptions involved. I thought this concept would be interesting enough for a blog so...I'll just get right to it.

I'm heading back to Thailand in a few short days. While there, I'll spend several weeks living in a monastery with Buddhist monks. I am not interested in either Buddhism nor any other kind of eastern philosophy. I'm not going there for that. I'm going there to acquire a skill.

The Rules: wake up at 4 AM, breakfast at 6 AM, lunch at 11 AM, in bed by 10 PM. No solid food after 12 noon. No reading anything, no writing anything, no leaving the temple (unless it's an emergency) and no speaking with anyone besides the instructor for the duration of the course.

All that time in between? Meditate. Damn.

I know, I know, most of you unfamiliar with meditation know it as a relaxation tool. You might ask, "Yo, did no one tell you? There's no need to meditate 14 hours a day in isolation to relax! Listen, let me roll you a fatty. Or better yet, I have this coupon for this one massage place on U Street that even does happy endi..." I agree. It would be pretty absurd to travel to the other side of the world simply to relax. But meditation is so much more than that.

It's just difficult to explain. Not because I can't find the words; the words are available. But meditation, real meditation with purpose (instead of simply to chill out after a long day at work) is absorbed into our minds in a very similar manner as the lessons learned from intense, even traumatic, experiences. There's no possible way for someone to show you what it feels like to survive cancer. There's no method to truly convey how your parents' divorce affected you as a child. There's no way for me to fully appreciate how deeply you experience love with your partner. The only way to feel the full effect of these experiences is not through words, but through directly experiencing them. These lessons form part of a broader category of learning called tacit knowledge, or more commonly known as wisdom. And it fully applies to meditation.

I will explain my perspective on the effects of meditation in a subsequent post. Most likely though, someone will still try to offer me massage coupons.

Kindred Spirits

Kindred Spirits
Asher Durand

A person who shares beliefs, attitudes, feelings, or features with another.

The world would surely be a lonelier place if no one else shared our thoughts. Especially those thoughts dealing with life's larger questions of purpose, happiness, courage, compassion, and what is worth striving for. I met two individuals in the last few days, by pure chance I might add, that shared a strong disposition with me not just in thought, but in action. This phenomenon, the natural and almost immediate affinity with another human being is astounding, uplifting, and enlightening. These "kindred spirits" I speak of have asked themselves the big questions and have come up with very similar answers to ourselves. Why? DNA. Certain individuals hold similar views of life's larger questions because they share inherent genetic traits with us. These people tend to inspire us and be inspired by us through sheer psychological magnetism. Perception of this can be overwhelming and wonderful indeed. If you've ever met someone that understood your profound argument so completely and immediately, that you felt compelled to tell them "everything," then you know what's up.

I will summarize the stories of the 2 individuals here, anonymously of course. I'll name them Bill and Ted.

Bill: We met at a bus stop in New York City. Studied psychology in college and loved it. Parents persuaded him to become an investment banker, he did, made some serious dough, and quit a few years later because he felt he had been seriously suppressing his creative and intellectual side. He has now changed course completely and is pursuing his Master's degree in filmmaking. Imagine the resistance. We talked our way through a 5-hour bus ride, jumping around topics from psychology, to religion, to creativity, to travel, to meditation. We shared the same viewpoints on our automatic and unaware repression of our passions in exchange for the "goods" of society such as belonging and acceptance. We didn't just agree on the consequences of this repression, but also on the importance of taking action directly to counter it. Best of luck to you bro.

Ted: We met at a Barnes and Noble in Washington D.C. He had studied computer science in college and was an IT director for a very large health insurance company. He was in the midst of applying to MBA programs abroad and... well, you can imagine where the conversation went from here. Instead of looking at me like an idiot who'd one day be eligible for food stamps, he opened up. Another kindred spirit. We discussed the personal moral sacrifices we make to the corporate world in exchange for money and social neutrality and, guess what, he confessed to have always been a staunch opponent of health insurance companies due to their exorbitant greed and corruption. He is still against them, even while working at one for years. Talk about a moral sacrifice. Whatever decision you make, best of luck to you as well bro. You've inspired me.

Soulcial Studies

Elephant and Rider (important psychological concept)

"I would pursue my passion if I knew what it was."

We all have at least one, but finding even that one can be very difficult. It took me a considerable amount of introspection to acknowledge that I had a higher-than-average interest for psychology ("the study of the soul"), especially since I was so entrenched in the "maximize profits, minimize costs" mentality of business. A friend recently told me he would drop everything and follow his passion if he only knew what it was. Well, this post's for you, bud. So far, I believe there are five primary methods to discover your passions. I present them to you in my subjective order of effectiveness. The first you're born with, the other four you learn:

1. Natural Bastard:

You're born knowing what your passion is. Plain and simple, and highly envious to others who aren't so lucky (like me). Since he was still in diapers, my older brother always knew he would become either a doctor, a cop, or a pilot. This gave a wonderful sense of security to others about his life, including me, for I knew, even when I was still in diapers, I'd enjoy cheap flights one day. And now I do. Thanks for being a natural, bro!  

2. Introspection:

This is the bread and butter of self-discovery. Know thyself, famously inscribed by the ancient Greeks in the Temple of Apollo, is unfortunately, an underdeveloped skill we share as human beings. It's harder to know ourselves than to know others - this is biological fact, no use fighting it. Rather, engage it. Engage yourself. Analyze your strengths, identify what you naturally gravitate towards (i.e. animals, people, problems, cleaning, whatever), and pick apart complex tasks to discover which aspects call out your name. For example, I loved my management job not because it granted me authority over my employees, but because I was fascinated by discovering their strengths, developing ways to motivate them, and exploring their unique mental processes.

3. Feedback from Others:

Others know ourselves better than we do. Hard to accept right? It's obviously a bit more complicated than a simple sentence can summarize, but it's largely true and highly applicable here. The point is that others are magnificent fountains of new knowledge about ourselves. A simple question such as "What do you think I am best at?" or "What do you think I do better than everyone else?" can reveal a treasure trove of you. It's funny, while I was working on MBA applications, 4 different people mentioned I would be a great psychologist (thanks sis!). And after changing direction to a psychology PhD, others admitted that they never really envisioned me in the business world... ahhhh, if only they had spoken out sooner.

4. Read:
Go to Barnes and Noble (or any bookstore) with zero expectations or ideas. Wander everywhere. Go on auto-pilot and let your unconscious mind run wild. Let it command you to pick up the most interesting books. Skim through the contents, read the back cover, smell the pages, whatever. Just get the overall idea of each book. At the end of the day, buy your favorite 3 or 4 books and then analyze why you chose them. Can you guess which ones I chose WHILE STILL preparing the MBA apps? Linchpin, The Happiness Hypothesis, Narcissism Epidemic, and Psychology Today (mag). Surprise surprise.

5. Career Development Tests:
To me, these tests act like a shotgun blast to finding your passions. In other words, these tests give you a list of say 10 possible career paths for your "type," and among those, at least 1 of them is really you. We humans are too dynamic to be bulls-eyed, but we can definitely be narrowed down. In the MBTI (Myers Briggs Type Indicator) my type is ENTP, and possible career paths include: entrepreneur, consultant, psychologist. Booya!

Bottom Line:Whatever you do, don't settle. Even if you don't know your passion; You do have one, really. Be honest and caring with yourself, and search that soul until you find it. Let me assure you, we will ALL benefit from your discovery. If you need to discuss, get in touch.